Wick (On Boyfriends and Sassafras Trees)

Has a book ever been so…YOU
That you were convinced the author must have time traveled to 1991 to base the story on your life?
That was the Secret Garden for me
In the book, quiet Mary’s sallow cheeks would turn ruddy from running on the moors
It didn’t matter what happened with kids at school
Because at 3:30, I would explode into my backyard
Feel the blood rush to MY cheeks
And know that I was coming back to life
There were trees to climb, birds, mice, bugs
Sticky magnolia seed pods that would get all over my hands
Those irregular leaves that smell like lemon
Sassafras!

I even asked my mom if I could have a bit of earth
Like in the book when Mary asks Dr. Craven for a bit of earth?
and for years, I had my very own secret garden!
One morning at the bus stop
David ripped a branch off of my favorite sassafras tree
it was still wick
Or green on the inside
you know, like in the book when Dicken teaches Mary about trees that are still alive?
so I ran home, Found some wood glue from the basement and glued the branch back on! It died.

Every day was pretty much a WWMD day until I started really paying attention to David
Pierce
Jonathan
Harrison
It was time to put away quiet Mary
If I wanted to become a law abiding member of society
I had to start investing in other people
(Boys)
And the more I invested in them
The more I cared what they liked
the more I forgot what I liked
when everyone started finding their own bits of earth
I would ask my boyfriends
Where do I belong?
Which one am I supposed to be?
man
boyfriends have a lot of opinions
And none of them ever seem to be the same ones
But I did my best to listen to all of them
Until I kinda felt dead on the inside
I had to get away
got in my car
Drove to the park I used to pass on my way to school
Just to
I don’t know
Walk?
I started obsessing over the tire fire my life had become
But I kept getting distracted
There were trees to climb birds mice bugs
Sticky magnolia seed pods that would get all over my hands
Those irregular leaves that smell like lemon
Sassafras!
my quiet Mary status has nothing to do with boyfriends
No matter what happens on the outside
I’m still green on the inside
I’m wick

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